This n' That Thursday...

Not sure where to start...it's been busy, crazy, weird, confusing and interesting.  To say the least.

I'm just glad that God holds the box.  You know, the box to the puzzle.  That way I can feel assured that HE knows what the "big picture" is, because I sure don't.  No matter what, I can rest assured that He has a plan, and it will work out.

Mary is not here.  We planned to have her home on Monday, but things don't always work out the way we plan, do they?  It's been an exhausting and emotional week already, and I'm not completely sure anymore what role God is wanting us to play here.

Just weeks ago, she was calling us continually, begging us to get her out of there.  During the time that it's taken to go through all the red tape, she has become "happy" there.  Now she refuses to leave.  Now we are stuck.  She "believes" she is happy there.  Despite the fact that we feel she would be SO much happier at home.  However, we are unable to take her home against her will, no matter the state of her mind.  Red tape.

So, here I sit wondering what God's plan was after all.  Where do we go from here?  There are so many thoughts tumbling around.  But for now, I am resting.  Because this has been a stressful week with more ups and downs than I had in mind.  I am resting in knowing that God has a plan, regardless of what I can see at this point.  He has a plan.

So, what else has been going on?

My son is in Afghanistan, and he likes it.  Yes, that is the only thing that keeps me sane about it.  I don't have the kid calling home, crying that he's miserable.  He is my 'adventurer', and always has been.  So, that takes away a lot of the fears....other than the fact that I have to PRAY that he'll be smart and safe!!!!

I made a wedding cake last weekend....

I'm making a Baby Shower cake this weekend...

I thought I said I was retiring????  Hmmmm....

My garden is blooming, and that just makes me smile all over. 

The bills have finally started coming in for my hubby's "ER" visit...I've been having "fun"???? sorting out what we will owe....

Even though it's HOT outside, I have Fall on my mind.  I am lighting candles in my home to bring in the scents of Fall, and starting to think about how I'll decorate my home for the next couple of months...

I have not had a "summer" and look like a tourist from Europe...NOT a person who lives in Florida...I'm just sayin'...

I start my ballet class tonight after a summer off...that should feel good tomorrow morning...oy.

What have you been up to this week...and what are your plans for the weekend?

Mary's Story Part 4 ~ Roller Coaster ~

I guess I have taken to the habit of writing "stories" about the events that happen in my life.  These events are usually "over" by the time I write them out here.  What's different about Mary's Story, is that we are in the middle of it, or maybe it's just beginning. 

Where I am in the story is where we are right now.  Mary is still at Rehab.  She is "scheduled" to come home with us one week from today.  How do I feel about this?....

...how much time do you have?

I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions over this whole thing.  I have so much going on inside my heart and my mind and my spirit and my flesh all at the same time that I feel at times like I want to cry,...and I can't pinpoint why.  I often think that if we hadn't felt such opposition from the rehab center, the emotions wouldn't have been so tumultous.  For some naive reason, I thought it would be easy.  There's a lot going on inside me right now and there is only one place to turn....and I'm SO thankful that I know where that one place is!

"As the deer pants for the water brooks,

So my soul pants for You, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;"

Psalm 42:1-2a

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?

And why have you become disturbed within me?

Hope in God, for I shall again praise him

For the help of His presence."

Psalm 42:5

The emotions I have been riding on have stemmed from many different avenues.  They well up and come together like enormous waves crashing together in a wild ocean storm.  Here is a taste of what's going on inside of me right now...

With my son in the middle of a war zone thousands of miles away, my "Mother's Heart" is tearing in two.  It aches all the time.  I still live life, of course, there is my husband who brings me so much joy and all of life around me that is to be lived.  However, when I'm alone at night, I sit on the couch and pray, ...and cry, big fat tears.  I am distraught over how distanced he has made himself from the Lord, and I am so deeply afraid that his heart is hardening.  I cry out to God to save him, to soften his heart, to convict him, to never leave him.... 
I read in the paper just two days ago that a young Army man who was from nearby was killed in Afghanistan, my heart wrenched inside of my chest.  My son is over there.  My son.  I cannot imagine losing him.  But IF I had to lose him, I NEED to know that he is walking with Jesus, I don't have that peace right now, and all I can say is...it hurts...bad.

Add to that my husband.  Who had a brush with death only a month ago.  To look at him now, you'd never know it, unless he removed the bandage on his leg.  The thought goes through my mind at how quickly he could have been gone.  The emotions of that ordeal pulled me in so many directions.  However, they subsided and he's healing well and back to work....but then there's work. 
I look at my husband every day and am reminded of David.  He is truly a man after God's own heart and I can see clearly the struggles that brings in the workplace.  Godliness is not thought of as a leadership quality, no matter how great of a leader you are.  Apparently this world desires a harshness, an ugliness, rudeness, brashness, short tempers and unkind words....these are qualities he does not possess.  Oh how my heart aches for what he must endure each day.

Enter Mary.  What a blessing.  Truly, we have prayed over her, and this whole situation, both together and separately.  We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has placed her in our lives.  Because she is not closeby at this time, and hubby is back to work, we haven't been able to visit her as often as we had been,...and I miss her.  I think of her sitting there and wondering why we haven't been by as often, and my heart breaks.  I am so certain that caring for her is meant to be a blessing to us, and a way to serve our Lord.  However, I am only half spirit, and as much as I am ashamed to admit it, I am often ruled by my flesh.

I have struggled over these few months with selfishness.  Having her here will change our lives, I'm quite certain of that.  However, at times, I push the beauty of it aside and get mopey.  My husband and I live very 'spur of the moment' lives.  We like to go out on our boat, we like to go for motorcycle rides, we like to run errands together and go grab lunch.  That's all about to change, and I think in preparing myself for the reality of that, I have worked myself up.

I have become anxious of the unknown. 

Will we never go out alone again?  Will we be completely exhausted all the time?    Will she become angry?  Will our boat sit idle for years?  Will I stand in the driveway and watch my husband ride off on his motorcycle because I can't leave?  Will we never be able to act silly in our home for fear of waking her?  What about Christmas parties and dinner with friends?  Will I be able to care for her properly?  Do I have the right skills to see to her needs?  Will we have all the proper things in place to make sure she doesn't slip or fall?  What about bathing, and dressing, am I capable?  Will she be happy here?  Will she want to go back to rehab???

The list goes on and on and on....then I sit and pray and ask God what's wrong with me.  One moment I have such a peace, and then next I'm all in an uproar.  He has put Mary in our lives, and I am convinced He has done it for us, not only for her.  I believe He wants to stretch us, to grow us, mold us and change us.  To teach us things we do not know.  I am willing, but I struggle with these desires of the flesh, even though I don't want to.

Please don't get me wrong.  I am joyful about this decision, and I am ready for this 'adventure' to begin.  I have put much time into preparing a pretty room for her and planning out meals, outings, routines, etc...  However, I am swayed by these ridiculous fears, and I don't want them to take hold.  I am blessed that I see none of this in my husband.  He is a rock, you know.  He sees this only as a beautiful opportunity to do something for our Lord.  His peace over this decision is evident.  Oh to have his resolve...

The goal here is to make her life good.  Whatever is left of it.  To make it beautiful, peaceful, happy, fulfilling.  I have a whole lifetime ahead of me to do the things I want, so what if we can't run out for lunch on a whim!  We'll plan ahead, get a sitter to care for her for a few hours.  It's not really about me right now, and I know that's part of the stretching.  It's about Mary and what we prayed about for her.  It's about seeing her smile again, having her sleep in a soft bed, sitting with her by the window to watch the flowers sway in the breeze, pushing her wheelchair through the neighborhood to see sparkling Christmas lights, reading to her from God's Word, giving her a piece of chocolate for goodness sakes!  And allowing her to have some control over these last few years of her life...her golden years.

I know I have a sweet handful of praying sisters (and brothers!) in blogland, and I am so thankful for you all.  Please pray for my son, please pray for Mary, and please pray for us...for me...that I would not be overcome with these unfounded fears, that my heart would be filled with peace.  I covet your prayers.

The adventure begins in one week, and you can bet there will be to this story...

IF I have time to write it down! :)

"Man's steps are ordained by the Lord,

How then can man understand his way?"

Proverbs 20:24

Mary's Story Part 3 ~ Trying to Bring Her Home ~

I guess it's just the world we live in...what seems perfectly normal to us as Christians, appears odd and questionable to those who don't understand the love of Jesus...


As Mike began to handle Mary's affairs, he was put in touch with her lawyer.  We found that this man had Power of Attorney over her...he had visited her once in rehab.  In talking to him about Mary's condition and her needs, he began to sound irritated.  He stated that "the situation would be taken care of within a few days".  He said that since Mary was no longer able to care for herself, he was going to have the courts appoint a guardian, an unknown person, to handle her affairs. 

This would mean that a total stranger would handle her healthcare, her home, her living situation...her life.  When we told Mary about this she became very upset.  She didn't even know he was her Power of Attorney.  I don't believe the documents she signed had been fully explained to her.  She expressed that she did not trust him (her neice had given the same feeling in a phone conversation).  We knew that something needed to be done, and it needed to be done soon.

Around this time, Mary's neice decided she would come and visit.  She flew in from Alabama along with her daughter.  We picked them up at the airport and had lunch, sharing information as best we could about what was going on with Mary and her living situation.  They stay for a few days, and over dinner one night, Mike posed the question. He explained to the neice what the Attorney intended to do.  He asked if she had plans to take Mary back to Alabama, explaining that it was the State, her, or us; someone would care for Mary.  She expressed that she was unable to do so, and we told her we planned to do whatever was necessary to help Mary, if that meant moving her into our home, we would do that.

We met with Mary again and talked to her about her living situation, asking her what her wishes were.  She asked us to take over the responsibility of POA and care for her.  We contacted a trusted lawyer who became Mary's new laywer, he explained to her that he worked for her...not the other way around.  Then the steps were taken to replace her POA with us, acting alongside her, not instead.  Now we felt secure that we could easily act on Mary's wishes.

During the neices visit, Mary had a medical issue arise and was taken to the hospital, most likely due to the excitement of the visit and such.  After a couple of days, she was to be released.  We were told that she should return to rehab for a few days to get her strength back and that we would be able to take her home from there.  This is where the confusion sets in...

After returning her to rehab, it was found that she had contracted a mild infection at the hospital.  We learned something new. 

When someone that age contracts an infection, they shut down.  Everything shuts down so that their body can work at fighting the infection.  It was at this point that Mary's bright happy smile began to fade.  Her personality began to weaken, as well as her body.  The happy, laughing conversations ended.  She just sat and stared, hardly speaking at all.

She was in the middle of recovering from this infection when we had a meeting with the rehab staff to express our desire to bring her home.  We had no idea that we would be faced with questions that seemed off the wall to us. 

*Why are we against medical care? ...We aren't and never said we were???? 

*Why would we want to take her home when she is ill?  ...We don't, we are asking what her status is, and expressing our desire to take her home when she's ready.???

*Why do you want to take a stranger home?  Because we have become attached to her and love her like our own family. 

*You have no right to take her out of here until she can express her wishes to us clearly.  We took care of the legalities of that so that we wouldn't have this struggle.  Now she's not able to express thoughts very clearly and we are being told she HAS to???

I have to add that the head of nursing was VERY helpful.  She didn't seem to question our desire to bring Mary home.  She had met my husband at the beginning of this ordeal and seen both of us in there quite often, she had already mentioned to me that I had the nicest husband on earth (I agree!).  I believe she was trying to work with us.  However the other woman in the meeting, didn't have a very friendly look on her face.  She was asking the pointed questions.  She was looking at us with suspicion.  Making accusations of us not wanting to get Mary the proper medical care.  It was uncomfortable to say the least.  We left there wondering what to do.  We could only wait and pray that the anitbiotics she was taking would clear the infection and that her mind would be restored to it's former state.

At home, we prayed and we discussed what to do.  We had every legal right to bring her home once the infection was gone.  Not only did we have POA, but we were also her healthcare advocates.  I was struggling to understand why it seemed so wrong to someone that we should desire for her to live out the rest of her life in a loving home.  Why is it wrong for us to want to take her for walks, tend to plants, decorate cookies, enjoy homecooked meals, have her own room, with her own "things", go to church, enjoying hobbies that she wants to do..instead of spending the last few years of her long life in an environment that was unpleasant.  I just didn't understand and I was beginning to get frustrated, and worn down.

Why should this be so hard?  What started out to be a feeling of wanting to care for someone felt like it was becoming a battle...

"...thus says the Lord to you,

'Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude,

for the battle is not yours but God's."

2 Chronicles 20:15b

To be continued...

Mary's Story Part 2 ~Who is Mary? ~

If you're just jumping into this story, you might want to read Part 1 first. :)

Before I go into details of the difficulties of bringing Mary home, perhaps I should let you get to know her a little more.  All I can do is share with you what we have learned so far...

 Mary Etta Tommie was born on November 4, 1915. She was the eighth of eleven siblings, born to a farmer and his wife in Alabama.

She grew up on the farm, working alongside her brothers and sisters in the fields.  According to Mary, the whole family shared fun, laughter filled evenings around the dinner table.  She remembers her siblings with a smile and says she misses her 7 sisters very much.

Mary and her Mom

 Although I'm sure she had many passions, we've learned that Mary loved to sew.  She told us that she made most of her and her Mother's clothing.  Though we don't have all the details put together yet, I suspect she was the child that "stayed home" for a while to care for her parents, as she remained unmarried until her mid-30's ~ quite uncommon for that time.

Mary's favorite pastime was dancing, she has told us many times how much she loved to dance.  Young handsome soldiers were plentiful in that time and Mary had fun going to dances and making friends.  It was likely that at one of those dances she met Henry Aune, a handsome Navy Officer.  Even though "Hank" was nearly 20 years older than Mary, he was able to sweep her off her feet.  They were married in 1950, and moved from her hometown in Alabama to Cocoa Beach, Florida where they settled into a cozy little home near the beach.

Mary began working for the phone company in 1944, and did so for 36 years, probably starting out as an operator.  I can almost hear her voice now..."connecting you to EF 359" ...

She was popular, she entertained, she had friends and family come from Alabama each year to visit the beach and sunny Florida.  She loved to travel and did so quite often.  Her life was full and busy, and she hardly ever slowed down.

But time keeps moving and people age, bodies decline.  Hank passed away.  Her siblings began to pass away, some at a remarkably young age.  Neices and Nephews began to pass away too.  Visits from family became less frequent, as people became busy with their own lives, tending to their own ailing parents, and growing children. 

Even so, Mary continued to be an independent woman, she had many local friends and often got together for lunch outings, even taking group cruises with lady friends...but that was when she was in her 70's and her 80's...that was a quite a long time ago.

We've had a chance to meet one of her neices from Alabama.  The impression she gave us of Mary was that she was independent, and liked to have things "her way".  Independance has it's place, but if it begins to alienate you from your family, it can become an enemy.

During the course of 50+ years, the quaint little beach town of Cocoa Beach has become a booming party place.  You don't have to live in Florida to know that THE place to be during spring break for college students is Cocoa Beach, Fl.  It's busy, all the time.  Shops, bars, and restaurants line the streets.  It's a tourist town that is bustling all night long, every day of the week. 

We suspect that, over time, her pretty little pink house became more of a prison.  All the surrounding homes had been sold and turned into bars and party places for the young, hip Cocoa Beach crowd.  Condo's and hotels blocked her view of the beach, gas stations, dog groomers, night clubs and restaurants now surrounded her little house.  She installed hurricane shutters and kept them closed.  She installed a camera to monitor her front door from the inside.  She had street lamps installed on all 4 sides of her house, timed to turn on at sundown and stay on all night.  She had heavier locks installed on her doors.  For a woman in her 90's, independence can easily turn to lonliness and fear.

She still had friends, but they were aging too.  Who could she turn to for help?  Even the man who had done her lawn for 30 years was in his 70's.  She began to need help from a caretaker to cook, clean, run errands, etc...

Several months ago she drove herself to a Dr. appointment because she wasn't feeling right.  She ended up in the hospital for a few days and then was sent to rehab to "get stronger".  There she stayed because though she could go home, she couldn't be alone.  She went from independent to completely dependant in just a matter of days.  Two months later my husband met her.

Though we have thoroughly enjoyed our conversations about the past with Mary, the most important thing to us is her salvation.  We have no way of knowing if she has lived her life for Christ, we have asked her about her relationship with Him, and she says yes, when asked if He is her Savior.  She enjoyes watching Charles Stanley and is very excited about the prospect of going to church with us.  She likes hyms and "religious songs" as she puts it.  I would love to know beyond a shadow that Mary will be with Jesus when she dies, and I am going to pray that God will give us that knowledge and that peace. 

As you read in yesterday's post, we have decided to "adopt" Mary.  This decision does not come without it's concerns, worries, fears, and anxieties...I admit them freely, but that'll be another day. 

Come back tomorrow for...."Trying to bring her home"...

"For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him."

1 Thessalonians 5:9,10

Mary's Story Part 1 ~ Starfish ~

I bet you've read this short piece before, I hope you'll read it again, because it is the perfect analogy to set the stage for the story I am about to tell, the story about Mary...the Starfish we found...

~The Starfish Story ~

~ Adapted from The Star Thrower ~

~ by Loren Eiseley (1907 - 1977) ~

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.


One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.


As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.


He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"


The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."


"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.


To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."


Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"


At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

As Christians, it is often discouraging when we look out at the sea of people who need Jesus, they need to be loved, they need to know His love.  We look around and see needs, knowing that we are unable to bring change to every single life that passes us on the street each day.  Does that mean we give up?  Do we throw our hands in the air and keep walking, simply because we feel we can't make a difference to the masses.  What if we turned, reached out to just one.  Would it make a difference if we could make impact one life?  Would it make a difference if we could share the love of Jesus with just one person?  Would it make a difference if we could make life easier, better, for just one? 

The answer is yes.  It would make a difference to that one.


We met Mary at the beginning of June.  While working, my husband was called to a rehabilitation center regarding the suspician of someone taking advantage of an elderly person.  He took care of the situation, and after all was said and done, began chatting with her.  Mary is 94 years old.  She was married at one time, but had no children.  She is the 8th of 11 siblings, but the only one living.  She had many nephews and neices, but most have passed on themselves.  This left her with just a handful of relatives several states away who were already beginning to age themselves.


As Mary put it, she had "no one".  No one. 


No one to care for her needs.  No one to go home to when she was released from Rehab, no one to check on her home, no one to pay her bills, no one to visit her, no one to laugh with, no one to love.  No one.

Mary Etta

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you already know I have an extraordinary husband. If you haven't, now is my time to brag little. 

My husband is strong, logical, smart, straight-forward, matter-of-fact, and steady.  He is also the most loving, kind, generous, good-hearted godly man I have ever met.  He loves people with a passion.  His heart went out to Mary at that moment, and I believe in his heart he began to pray about how we could help her.  That night over dinner, he told me about Mary.  He wanted me to meet her, we decided to go after church the following day, the 4th of July, and visit Mary.

When we walked in, Mary saw Mike and her face lit up.  She had the sweetest smile and such a twinkle in her eye.  It was obvious to me that she had already bonded with my husband...a connection had been made.  We sat and chatted for a while, then went on our way, promising to be back soon.  And we were. 

Over the next several weeks we visited Mary many times, we took her out to lunch and to visit her home.  We visited her at rehab and during our conversations we learned so much about her life.  Mike began to take care of the things she was unable to handle from rehab; paying her bills, contacting her lawn man, bug guy, and friends who had called to check on her.  She had no way to make those contacts, and he was her "lifeline".  She was physically weak, and quite obviously wanting to get out of Rehab, but she would not be able to live alone anymore.

We began to think and talk about possibilities.  Before talking to Mary, the two of us discussed bringing her to our home, to live with us.  We were both aware that this would be a huge undertaking.  However, this was a LIFE, someones LIFE we were talking about.  How could we put a value on that?  How could we put simple freedoms such as running to thrift stores, or Starbucks, or out to lunch on a whim, before someone's life?  A lot of things in my own life were coming into perspective.  Our son is grown, we have a room, I do not work outside my home, I have the time and the ability to care for her.  We prayed, often and fervently for guidance, direction, and answers.  God answered with a peace in our hearts.

The overwhelming feeling was that God had placed Mary in our lives for a reason. 

During our next few visits with Mary, we asked her about this option.  Would she want to come live with us?  She said yes, but she was concerned about the expense it would be to us.  She was concerned that she would be a burden to us.  This 94 year old woman who was so in need, was concerned about being a burden.  My heart melted.  We told her it would be a blessing for us to have her in our home, that we wanted her "golden years" to be lived out in a loving environment, not a cold hospital-like atmosphere.  She gave us the biggest twinkling smile and said yes.  She would love to come and live with us and we would be like "one big happy family".  Wow.  I believe she was craving a family, as she had lived alone for so many years.

However, bringing Mary home with us would turn out to be more of a challenge than we expected...

"Learn to do good;

Seek justice,

Reprove the ruthless,

Defend the orphan,

Plead for the widow."

Isaiah 1:17

...come back tomorrow for Part 2.