Mary's Story Part 3 ~ Trying to Bring Her Home ~

I guess it's just the world we live in...what seems perfectly normal to us as Christians, appears odd and questionable to those who don't understand the love of Jesus...


As Mike began to handle Mary's affairs, he was put in touch with her lawyer.  We found that this man had Power of Attorney over her...he had visited her once in rehab.  In talking to him about Mary's condition and her needs, he began to sound irritated.  He stated that "the situation would be taken care of within a few days".  He said that since Mary was no longer able to care for herself, he was going to have the courts appoint a guardian, an unknown person, to handle her affairs. 

This would mean that a total stranger would handle her healthcare, her home, her living situation...her life.  When we told Mary about this she became very upset.  She didn't even know he was her Power of Attorney.  I don't believe the documents she signed had been fully explained to her.  She expressed that she did not trust him (her neice had given the same feeling in a phone conversation).  We knew that something needed to be done, and it needed to be done soon.

Around this time, Mary's neice decided she would come and visit.  She flew in from Alabama along with her daughter.  We picked them up at the airport and had lunch, sharing information as best we could about what was going on with Mary and her living situation.  They stay for a few days, and over dinner one night, Mike posed the question. He explained to the neice what the Attorney intended to do.  He asked if she had plans to take Mary back to Alabama, explaining that it was the State, her, or us; someone would care for Mary.  She expressed that she was unable to do so, and we told her we planned to do whatever was necessary to help Mary, if that meant moving her into our home, we would do that.

We met with Mary again and talked to her about her living situation, asking her what her wishes were.  She asked us to take over the responsibility of POA and care for her.  We contacted a trusted lawyer who became Mary's new laywer, he explained to her that he worked for her...not the other way around.  Then the steps were taken to replace her POA with us, acting alongside her, not instead.  Now we felt secure that we could easily act on Mary's wishes.

During the neices visit, Mary had a medical issue arise and was taken to the hospital, most likely due to the excitement of the visit and such.  After a couple of days, she was to be released.  We were told that she should return to rehab for a few days to get her strength back and that we would be able to take her home from there.  This is where the confusion sets in...

After returning her to rehab, it was found that she had contracted a mild infection at the hospital.  We learned something new. 

When someone that age contracts an infection, they shut down.  Everything shuts down so that their body can work at fighting the infection.  It was at this point that Mary's bright happy smile began to fade.  Her personality began to weaken, as well as her body.  The happy, laughing conversations ended.  She just sat and stared, hardly speaking at all.

She was in the middle of recovering from this infection when we had a meeting with the rehab staff to express our desire to bring her home.  We had no idea that we would be faced with questions that seemed off the wall to us. 

*Why are we against medical care? ...We aren't and never said we were???? 

*Why would we want to take her home when she is ill?  ...We don't, we are asking what her status is, and expressing our desire to take her home when she's ready.???

*Why do you want to take a stranger home?  Because we have become attached to her and love her like our own family. 

*You have no right to take her out of here until she can express her wishes to us clearly.  We took care of the legalities of that so that we wouldn't have this struggle.  Now she's not able to express thoughts very clearly and we are being told she HAS to???

I have to add that the head of nursing was VERY helpful.  She didn't seem to question our desire to bring Mary home.  She had met my husband at the beginning of this ordeal and seen both of us in there quite often, she had already mentioned to me that I had the nicest husband on earth (I agree!).  I believe she was trying to work with us.  However the other woman in the meeting, didn't have a very friendly look on her face.  She was asking the pointed questions.  She was looking at us with suspicion.  Making accusations of us not wanting to get Mary the proper medical care.  It was uncomfortable to say the least.  We left there wondering what to do.  We could only wait and pray that the anitbiotics she was taking would clear the infection and that her mind would be restored to it's former state.

At home, we prayed and we discussed what to do.  We had every legal right to bring her home once the infection was gone.  Not only did we have POA, but we were also her healthcare advocates.  I was struggling to understand why it seemed so wrong to someone that we should desire for her to live out the rest of her life in a loving home.  Why is it wrong for us to want to take her for walks, tend to plants, decorate cookies, enjoy homecooked meals, have her own room, with her own "things", go to church, enjoying hobbies that she wants to do..instead of spending the last few years of her long life in an environment that was unpleasant.  I just didn't understand and I was beginning to get frustrated, and worn down.

Why should this be so hard?  What started out to be a feeling of wanting to care for someone felt like it was becoming a battle...

"...thus says the Lord to you,

'Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude,

for the battle is not yours but God's."

2 Chronicles 20:15b

To be continued...

Mary's Story Part 2 ~Who is Mary? ~

If you're just jumping into this story, you might want to read Part 1 first. :)

Before I go into details of the difficulties of bringing Mary home, perhaps I should let you get to know her a little more.  All I can do is share with you what we have learned so far...

 Mary Etta Tommie was born on November 4, 1915. She was the eighth of eleven siblings, born to a farmer and his wife in Alabama.

She grew up on the farm, working alongside her brothers and sisters in the fields.  According to Mary, the whole family shared fun, laughter filled evenings around the dinner table.  She remembers her siblings with a smile and says she misses her 7 sisters very much.

Mary and her Mom

 Although I'm sure she had many passions, we've learned that Mary loved to sew.  She told us that she made most of her and her Mother's clothing.  Though we don't have all the details put together yet, I suspect she was the child that "stayed home" for a while to care for her parents, as she remained unmarried until her mid-30's ~ quite uncommon for that time.

Mary's favorite pastime was dancing, she has told us many times how much she loved to dance.  Young handsome soldiers were plentiful in that time and Mary had fun going to dances and making friends.  It was likely that at one of those dances she met Henry Aune, a handsome Navy Officer.  Even though "Hank" was nearly 20 years older than Mary, he was able to sweep her off her feet.  They were married in 1950, and moved from her hometown in Alabama to Cocoa Beach, Florida where they settled into a cozy little home near the beach.

Mary began working for the phone company in 1944, and did so for 36 years, probably starting out as an operator.  I can almost hear her voice now..."connecting you to EF 359" ...

She was popular, she entertained, she had friends and family come from Alabama each year to visit the beach and sunny Florida.  She loved to travel and did so quite often.  Her life was full and busy, and she hardly ever slowed down.

But time keeps moving and people age, bodies decline.  Hank passed away.  Her siblings began to pass away, some at a remarkably young age.  Neices and Nephews began to pass away too.  Visits from family became less frequent, as people became busy with their own lives, tending to their own ailing parents, and growing children. 

Even so, Mary continued to be an independent woman, she had many local friends and often got together for lunch outings, even taking group cruises with lady friends...but that was when she was in her 70's and her 80's...that was a quite a long time ago.

We've had a chance to meet one of her neices from Alabama.  The impression she gave us of Mary was that she was independent, and liked to have things "her way".  Independance has it's place, but if it begins to alienate you from your family, it can become an enemy.

During the course of 50+ years, the quaint little beach town of Cocoa Beach has become a booming party place.  You don't have to live in Florida to know that THE place to be during spring break for college students is Cocoa Beach, Fl.  It's busy, all the time.  Shops, bars, and restaurants line the streets.  It's a tourist town that is bustling all night long, every day of the week. 

We suspect that, over time, her pretty little pink house became more of a prison.  All the surrounding homes had been sold and turned into bars and party places for the young, hip Cocoa Beach crowd.  Condo's and hotels blocked her view of the beach, gas stations, dog groomers, night clubs and restaurants now surrounded her little house.  She installed hurricane shutters and kept them closed.  She installed a camera to monitor her front door from the inside.  She had street lamps installed on all 4 sides of her house, timed to turn on at sundown and stay on all night.  She had heavier locks installed on her doors.  For a woman in her 90's, independence can easily turn to lonliness and fear.

She still had friends, but they were aging too.  Who could she turn to for help?  Even the man who had done her lawn for 30 years was in his 70's.  She began to need help from a caretaker to cook, clean, run errands, etc...

Several months ago she drove herself to a Dr. appointment because she wasn't feeling right.  She ended up in the hospital for a few days and then was sent to rehab to "get stronger".  There she stayed because though she could go home, she couldn't be alone.  She went from independent to completely dependant in just a matter of days.  Two months later my husband met her.

Though we have thoroughly enjoyed our conversations about the past with Mary, the most important thing to us is her salvation.  We have no way of knowing if she has lived her life for Christ, we have asked her about her relationship with Him, and she says yes, when asked if He is her Savior.  She enjoyes watching Charles Stanley and is very excited about the prospect of going to church with us.  She likes hyms and "religious songs" as she puts it.  I would love to know beyond a shadow that Mary will be with Jesus when she dies, and I am going to pray that God will give us that knowledge and that peace. 

As you read in yesterday's post, we have decided to "adopt" Mary.  This decision does not come without it's concerns, worries, fears, and anxieties...I admit them freely, but that'll be another day. 

Come back tomorrow for...."Trying to bring her home"...

"For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him."

1 Thessalonians 5:9,10